Frame Games: For Parents Growing Flexible Thinkers
Relational Frame Theory Inspired Micro-Games to Develop Flexible Thinkers
Relational Frame Theory (RFT) research provides a roadmap for decreasing human suffering and enhancing our pursuit of valued living.
Here we go!
Relational Frame Theory (RFT)
Relational Frame Theory is a scientific way of explaining how people learn through language. It says that our brains don’t just learn from rewards or consequences—we also learn by connecting ideas with words. For example, if you learn that a wolf is “like” a dog, you can understand new information about wolves even if you’ve never seen one. RFT calls these connections “relational frames,” and they help us compare things, understand opposites, follow rules, and make sense of the world.
RFT also explains why thoughts and feelings can become powerful, even when they aren’t true or helpful. Because our minds connect ideas so quickly, a single memory or word can bring up strong emotions. This is normal, but sometimes these connections become rigid or painful. RFT helps people learn to notice their thoughts, understand how their mind is linking ideas, and build more flexible ways of thinking. This flexibility makes it easier to handle stress, solve problems, and act in ways that match your values.
RFT and Wellbeing
Relational Frame Theory is helpful for wellbeing because it teaches people how to work with their thoughts instead of getting pushed around by them. When someone learns to notice the connections their mind is making—like “this feeling is dangerous” or “I can’t handle this”—they gain the ability to step back and choose how to respond. This flexibility reduces the power of automatic reactions, which often drive stress, avoidance, and emotional overwhelm. By understanding how the mind links ideas, people can interrupt unhelpful patterns and build healthier ones, leading to more calm, confidence, and emotional balance.
RFT also supports valued living by helping people act based on what matters most to them, even when difficult thoughts or feelings show up. Instead of waiting to “feel ready” or trying to eliminate discomfort, individuals learn to move toward their goals with openness and courage. This shift creates more meaningful relationships, stronger coping skills, and a deeper sense of purpose. When people understand how their mind works—and how to relate to thoughts with more flexibility—they gain the freedom to make choices that align with their values, not their fears.
Raising Flexible Thinkers
Relational Frame Theory can help raise flexible‑thinking children by teaching them how to see connections, differences, and multiple perspectives instead of getting stuck in rigid “right or wrong” thinking. When kids learn to compare, imagine opposites, shift viewpoints, and understand that thoughts are just thoughts—not commands—they become more adaptable in everyday challenges. This kind of flexibility matters because it helps children handle frustration, solve problems creatively, bounce back from mistakes, and build healthier relationships. In a world that constantly changes, kids who can think flexibly grow into adults who can navigate stress, learn new skills, and make choices that reflect their values rather than their fears
Micro-Games
Game Instructions & Tips
· Encourage participation but don’t pressure—fun is the goal!
· Let your child lead; follow their interests and ideas.
· Repeat games with new materials or settings to keep them fresh.
· Celebrate creative, flexible answers—even (especially!) when they surprise you.
Infants (Ages 0-1)
Game 1: Here-There Peekaboo
Skill: early spatial framing, attention shifting
How to play
1. Hide behind your hands: “I’m here”
2. Pop out to the right or left: “Now I am there!”
3. Repeat with different positions (above, below, closer, farther)
Developmental note:
Infants begin mapping spatial relations long before language. This games seeds that skill.
Game 2: Soft- softer- softest
Skill: Comparative framing, sensory discrimination
How to play
1. Gently stroke baby’s arm: “Soft”
2. Stroke even more gently: “Softer”
3. Barely touching: “Softest”
Developmental note:
Comparison begins with sensory contrasts. This builds calm attention and early flexibility.
--Game Break--
Research in early childhood development supports the use of sensory contrasts and naming games for fostering attention, cognitive flexibility, and language skills. Studies have shown that introducing children to varying sensory experiences, such as contrasting touches or textures, can enhance their ability to regulate attention and adapt to new situations (Gunnar & Donzella, 2002). Additionally, labeling objects and encouraging children to repeat names is linked to improved vocabulary acquisition and early language development, as demonstrated by Hart and Risley (1995). These approaches align with developmental theories that emphasize the importance of sensory exploration and active engagement in building foundational cognitive and communicative abilities.
Toddlers (Ages 1–3)
Game 4: Match and Name
Skill: coordination framing, early hierarchical framing
How to play
Place pairs of objects (like two spoons, two blocks) in front of your child. Invite them to find matching pairs. As they do, name each object out loud (“These are both spoons!”).
Developmental note:
Coordination framing will typically be the first relational frame to develop. Begin with non-arbitrary, physical properties of sameness.
Game 5: Opposite Explorer
Skill: Opposition Framing
How to play
1. Pick an action: clapping, stomping, waving
2. Do it big, then small
3. Fast, then slow
4. Loud, then quiet
Developmental note:
Opposites are the backbone of flexible thinking. Toddlers love contrast.
Early School Age (Ages 4–7)
Game 9: From Your Eyes
Skill: Deictic Framing (I/You, Here/There, Now/Then)
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